A Waltz With Loneliness

The dancers take the floor,
only, I am unprepared for this.
The opening strains of the orchestra
pour forth,
They are playing the sound my heart
made when it shattered,
The crashing cymbals, a long low note descending into darkness.
Why am I here? I don’t want to go through this anymore.

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Author: ebonyandcrows

Hello and welcome to my page~ My name is Larisa--a very common Slavic name that was either derived from the Latin word hilaris, meaning "cheerful," or from the Greek city of Larissa, meaning "strong fortress." Born in Ukraine, I emigrated with my family to America when I was still a small child and now make my home in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Growing up immersed in two vastly differing cultures led me to have a burning curiosity about people all over the world. Stemming from said curiosity, I have fallen in love with traveling to other countries, meeting new people and delving into their culture, exploring new cities, and of course, dining on the local cuisine! If I cannot escape into a different country, then my next favorite method of adventure is to lose myself in a spectacular book. I enjoy books of all genres--from fiction and novels, to biographies and ethnographies. As long as it captures my fancy and holds me spellbound the entire time, I will burn through the book like a forest fire! Because of this penchant for reading and travel, coupled with my love of deep and mysterious things, I have been often called a dreamer and I find the title suits me. With that being said, I invite you to stay a while, perhaps make yourself a cup of tea and linger through my posts and feel free to comment or share a thought :-)

55 thoughts on “A Waltz With Loneliness”

  3. How simply you expressed such a profound thought that so many today can relate to. Well everyone I think, since everyone experiences sadness, loneliness at some point in their lives. That part where the orchestra begins to play the sound of your shattering heart gave me goosebumps!
    Oh you’re a fine, fine poet, Larisa – nay, artist. It may have come at the cost of darkness, but then the worst comes only to those best equipped to deal with it, in the faculties of spirit, mind and soul. ♥️♥️♥️

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    1. I shall make a scrapbook purely out of all your comments and read them every time I feel sad or lonely. I know what will happen—I’ll end up memorizing every line and the book will become tattered and faded from too much handling. Thank you my friend. Also, I’m glad it gave you goosebumps ☺️

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        1. The one that you just used is my worst one lol. Along with its sibling, this one 🙃 It’s what I call the Regina George emoji, a totally fake little half smile. I use that one when I’m being petty lmao. 🙊

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  6. Hi Larisa
    This is almost too sad for me to read – brings back awful memories.
    Lovely poem. Love it to bits.
    Stef – I’ll give you a big kiss for this poem (although all are super and deserving)
    X

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    1. Stef thank you so much for appreciating it, with all the broken shards and discordance in it. I wanted to capture a bit of the agony that is felt when you can’t escape your own mind and all the unsavory characters that take up residence there.

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  7. The consolation here (and this coming from someone who can’t dance) is that dancing, at its very core, is literally a one-step-at-a-time process. Perhaps appropriate to your poem, waltz time always starts on the “downbeat.”
    Sad, but wonderfully written poem!

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    1. I really enjoy the way you break down my poems and add insight that I myself didn’t possess at the forefront of my mind. Thank you. Also, in keeping with the step-by-step process, getting out of a dark place is the same way, isn’t it? One step at a time.

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  8. “I don’t want to go through this again.” – How is it that you captured my feelings and so gracefully put them into words, without realizing the qualms of my own heart?

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    1. That is the beauty of poetry, that it reflects our own pain back to us. Thank you for reading it and leaving such a lovely comment, I hope that your melancholy waltz will turn into a dance of pure joy in the very near future!

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  12. Gosh Larisa, I was wondering about you as I hadn’t seen a post from you in a while, then I came to your page and see I have missed a few. My apologies, my notifications must have gotten turned off somehow.

    Anyway, I need to tell you how beautiful this poem is. I think I made an audible sound when I read the line:
    “They are playing the sound my heart
made when it shattered,
The crashing cymbals…”
    I heard this sound, I felt it. The emotion you captured here is immense. Excruciatingly beautiful.

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    1. Rachel, you are such a darling. I missed you!! I don’t know what happened either as I haven’t seen your posts in a while on my reader. I don’t know how to see who I’m following on WP aside from going on their blog and seeing if the green check mark appears, but maybe we got deleted off of each other’s blogs somehow. I’ll check in a bit.

      Thank you so much for your gorgeous words! You are love and light incarnate. Truly, comments from the people I look up to and have befriended on here bring me so much joy.

      I just got home and need to start making dinner—I will look at and savor your other comments as soon as I can ♥️♥️♥️

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      1. I checked and I was not following you anymore. Have no idea how that happened, certainly not my intention. Anyway, it was a real treat to have several of your poems to read and savor in one sitting. I hope you had a beautiful dinner, I can’t help imagining what you cooked, probably constructing something beautiful in your mind as you did so! ❤️

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        1. That is the oddest thing—I followed you back as well. Well at least that is settled and I’m relieved I can still have access to your blog.

          I baked salmon with a honey citrus garlic butter glaze (SO good!!) and roasted baby red potatoes with some veggies on the side. I don’t particularly enjoy cooking, so sometimes I don’t even want to eat what I’ve made—but this was such an incredibly good dinner, I was scarfing it down.

          You make me smile! No, dinner was the only thing in creation last night, unfortunately. I’ve been really putting my mind through the paces when it comes to writing. Some of the stuff I’ve run into on WP just blows my mind with how amazing it is, and I’m honored to be among such talented individuals.

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          1. Oh!!! Every bit as gourmet and delicious as I imagined it would be.

            Please never doubt your writing. I do a whole lot of that too and I know how harsh we can be to ourselves. We all do the comparing ourselves to others thing and generally overlook our own strengths and talents. If only we could see ourselves as others see us. I wish you could see your writing how I see it ❤️

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            1. Ahh these are the words I’m going to string together and wrap around my neck instead of all the other ones that drag me down. Thank you so much Rachel♥️💐💝💋Sometimes I can’t believe you’re directing them at me ☺️

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  13. The audience is restless with anticipation. The uplifting dance symphony you have written is on the program after intermission. You are listed as the conductor and sole dancer. The orchestra waits for your wand, knowing your music, steps, and gestures have never been seen and heard before.

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    1. Only the notes are hovering in the future,
      masterfully composed in their entirety,
      but taunting me with their exclusivity.
      I gaze longingly at the lilting arias being chased
      by dancing arpeggios before sweeping together in majestic harmony.
      A standing ovation! The crowd is incensed and drunk on music!
      I lunge toward the notes—I’ve managed to grab a handful!—and quickly shove them in my mouth. I will have this joy,
      they can’t stop me,
      and every time I open my mouth
      it will spill forth in song.

      Thank you for such a brilliant comment! I adored it! It spurred forth a bit of creativity in me as a response, and I loved spontaneously receiving the baton from another skilled writer. Bravo! Thank you 👏🏻💐💗✨🌹

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