Body Language

Men and women are so different. The contrast fascinates me all the time, until sometimes, it doesn’t. Like when men and women cannot read each other’s signs or body language they are giving off.

There is this little grocery store down the street from my neighborhood that I frequent because it is so convenient. Well, one of the workers there recently took a shine to me. He works behind the seafood counter and maybe he interpreted my questioning him what type of salmon was the best to buy as an interest in him, I’m not sure. Well, the next time I ran into him in the store, he asked me for a hug. Being a little taken aback and not wanting to be rude, I said sure. So we hugged. Well, that quickly escalated into him exhibiting stalkerish behavior. Every time I go into that store, even when I’m nowhere near the seafood section, he will pop up right beside me and start chatting. And now he goes in for a hug without asking me. It’s making me hesitate as to whether or not I even want to go there anymore, and I hate that because it is so convenient for me! I know the best thing for me to do is to tell him straight out that he needs to tone it down because my silent hints of avoiding that side of the store are not carrying over, but honestly, that is so much easier said than done. Ugh what to do what to do 😕

On the flip side, I tend to read way too much into something when I like a guy, especially if I’m not certain if he likes me back, and I’ve certainly lost my sh*t before in former relationships where I misread or overthought a situation. You would think that with all this information at our fingertips in this day and age, we would certainly learn how to communicate more effectively, but nope. We revert to our lizard brain when certain chemicals are triggered in the brain.

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Author: ebonyandcrows

Hello and welcome to my page~ My name is Larisa--a very common Slavic name that was either derived from the Latin word hilaris, meaning "cheerful," or from the Greek city of Larissa, meaning "strong fortress." Born in Ukraine, I emigrated with my family to America when I was still a small child and now make my home in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Growing up immersed in two vastly differing cultures led me to have a burning curiosity about people all over the world. Stemming from said curiosity, I have fallen in love with traveling to other countries, meeting new people and delving into their culture, exploring new cities, and of course, dining on the local cuisine! If I cannot escape into a different country, then my next favorite method of adventure is to lose myself in a spectacular book. I enjoy books of all genres--from fiction and novels, to biographies and ethnographies. As long as it captures my fancy and holds me spellbound the entire time, I will burn through the book like a forest fire! Because of this penchant for reading and travel, coupled with my love of deep and mysterious things, I have been often called a dreamer and I find the title suits me. With that being said, I invite you to stay a while, perhaps make yourself a cup of tea and linger through my posts and feel free to comment or share a thought :-)

105 thoughts on “Body Language”

  1. Ugh, girl I know the feeling.

    Since I was literally 12 years old I have had to deal with creepy catcalling and unwelcome hugs. Now I just tell people I am not a hugger (unless they’re close friends). I don’t understand why guys do this gross, awkward crap. It’s fine to compliment, but don’t be weird or touch! If he’s that into you, he should just ask you out and move on when you say no. I imagine the conversation going like this:

    “Hi Ebony and Crows. Your crows look very lovely today. I was wondering if maybe you would like to go to dinner sometime? I know you like salmon so I was thinking a nice seafood restaurant. ”

    “Thank you. Your offer was lovely but I am actually not currently interested in dating.”

    “Thank you for your honesty. I completely understand. Did you need any assistance in the store?”

    “No thank you I am actually just here to grab a few things.”

    “Great. I hope you have a wonderful day.”

    -end scene-

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    1. “Your crows look very lovely today..” 😂😂😂 Hahahaha thank you for the laugh!!

      I am really polite to people, and I honestly hate having to tell someone to back off. I don’t have a problem setting boundaries within established relationships, that goes for both personal and professional relationships, but when people I don’t know very well keep coming onto me when I’ve displayed all the signals of not being interested, it makes me feel like I’m up against the wall. I just hate that awkwardness, you know?

      Although honestly, he really should’ve just stuck with polite conversation and worked his way up to asking me out without going immediately for hugs. I would’ve been able to politely say that I’m just not in the market right now, and hopefully it would’ve been all smooth and not awkward (in a perfect world.) I’m just not sure what to do about the hugs..I’m not always in the mood for people to be huggy with me, especially people I don’t even know.

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      1. I know how you feel. Im the same way. Its like…please dont put me in this situation to begin with.

        Next time just say you have a cold and dont want to get him sick.

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  2. However you decide to resolve stalkish, be comfortable with it. I myself find hugging everyone sideways when I have no romantic interest, often leads to it ending altogether or readily more accepted as a safe boundary. Food for thought and good luck. I hear I suck at a woman subtle hints short of a baseball bat.

    The battle between human logic and emotions can be so conflated we confuse ourselves and start consciously sending the wrong message to someone that speaks some other foreign body language, like your newest encounter. Perhaps every shop should have the proper interpreter; you know in the abundance of caution but really for more our reptilian convenience. 😉

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    1. Hahaha thank you too for a good laugh! “Short of a baseball bat.” 😂 These kind of differences between men and women are actually something I truly adore. Sometimes I adore when a guy is innocently so clueless when it comes to womanly things, but other times it’s such a huge inconvenience.

      I have a close relationship with my brothers and I can hang around the guys without a problem. But I always laugh at the difference in communication between me and my brothers, and me and my sisters.

      If I send out a text to my sisters in a group thread, especially if I’m venting about something, I will get immediate responses from the girls commiserating with me, supporting me, giving me advice, etc. Then they’ll be like, “ah, I love having sisters.” If I send out the same kind of text to my brothers in the group thread I have with them, not a single one of them will respond 😂 That has happened before. I just laugh to myself about how different they are from females. Weirdly enough, I’ve had a group texting thread going with all of my brothers for several years now, whereas I haven’t been able to do that with any of the group threads I’ve been involved in with females.

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      1. YW lol, every subset of a larger group has their nuances we either adore or learn to ignore or simply leave it. imo

        Personally, I’m a much more of a private person and in some respects, I may seem selfish, although that’s not my intent.
        In closer relationships I like to know I have their full attention and they can count on my full attention in return. Otherwise in a group setting, I primarily observe everyone else, learn their some of their hidden implications of words or tones over time.

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        1. I’m private around the people who know me in real life, but on my blog among people who have never met me, I reveal quite a bit.

          In close relationships I devote all my time and attention to the person in my life. Well, I’m thinking of a romantic relationship. I do still need my personal time to myself, but I never understood how some girls can have 40 girlfriends and not get exhausted maintaining a relationship with each one. Perhaps I get exhausted because I’m an empath and feel others emotions as if it were my own. But I’m working on those barriers 😉

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          1. I too am an empath; and yes too many people can literally drain me. My moniker serves as my buffer online. I expose more of my real self to those I feel will keep it private and have demonstrated trust through emails
            .
            I respect the true essence of what a best friend is, which for me is different than all my other friends or simple associates i may speak with once in a blue moon.

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            1. I had several best friends throughout my life, not all of them at the same time. One in particular stands out because I adored her with every particle of my being. She was like a mirror image of my own soul, we just got each other. But our relationship wasn’t as strong as I thought it was because even though we shared such a long and rich history, she ended our relationship at one point over a romantic relationship of hers. Anyway, it was all very dramatic (at least for me) and it took me a very long time to get over it. (My poem Memories for a Masterpiece are actually about her.)

              Sometimes I think those kinds of relationships happen once in a lifetime.

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              1. imo, your relationship with her hasn’t ended, it just became inconvenient for probably whoever came into her life. I really can image how it must’ve felt, to be tossed aside as if we didn’t measure up anymore, knowing we were invested with our all, and for all of life. I hope in time, she reaches out to you to mend what she permitted to break in nit only your heart but mind. Tie will time soon enough.
                Persoanally, I’ve always felt close to my relationships and have been told too trusting, whcih may explain my own fractures over the decades. I disagree wholeheartedly. How can we trust those we care so dearly about…too much? Albeit, they might’ve taken advantage of the relationship and in turn me, but that failing is on them, no me. And yes, I’ll have to help carry the hurt if not all of it, because love requires I trust it will work, one day.
                I’ll have to venture back to read your Memories for a Masterpiece, soon.

                I think we overlook those grand types of relationships as soon as we start establishing expectation and conditions for them to meet.

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                1. No, Poet, the relationship had truly ended. It was her intention to do so. You only know the very tip top surface of the story because of what I told you, but there was a lot more to it than that. Everything I had said and done in relation to her romantic relationship was out of love and concern for her, but it was a catalyst for our own ending. I didn’t see it coming at all. I was always of the mind that best friends should remain best friends for life, but alas, there comes a point that if you’re not losing friends, you’re not growing up I guess.

                  I agree. We should be able to let our guards down and trust those we are closest to.

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                  1. I’m sure you know much better than I and will trust your assessment to be factually correct. I guess I was hoping to be a bit of an optimist about it for you.

                    I read most people well enough but I’m honest enough to admit I’m as flawed as the next person and can be fooled by my own biases.

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                    1. That makes two of us 😉 I try not to project as much as possible and let people tell their side of the story as they see it. Being a fixer, sometimes I have to bite down on my tongue really hard so as not to give unsolicited advice. Girls usually just want someone to vent to.

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                    2. Not just girls, most people or so I believe. Yes, I agree being self-disciplined can be a pain at times. 🙂

                      I’ve enjoyed our chat but I’ve honestly grown tired. Feel free to reach out anytime, Larissa.
                      Good night!

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    1. Hahahah well gosh darn it, then I completely walked into this one 🤦🏻‍♀️

      You know, it wasn’t until like the fourth time that I read your comment that I actually realized you said “misinterpretation.” I’ll give you a hint about how girls shoot their shot at a guy. She looks at you and then glances away.

      Lmao.

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        1. Yes, it can be that simple. Although I am super traditional when it comes to being the pursuer in the relationship. I do have a healthy amount of respect for men because they are usually the pursuers and have to get used to getting turned down every once in a while. I think girls are more emotional about that kind of thing.

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          1. I remember thinking that this woman I had met at a club was interested in me. We talked for a while, but I still wasn’t sure. Then it was time to leave, and she proceeded to tuck my car keys in her bra. I still wasn’t sure. True story.

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                    1. You know the night could’ve ended on a much different note if instead of the cab line you used on her, you offered to fish the keys out one way or another, whether it be with your teeth and tongue, or deft fingers…I’m sure that’s what she was going for 🙊

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                    7. I’m sure she’d much rather see sausage instead of salmon…what! I’m talking about food! 🙈

                      Were you drinking anything when you laughed out loud? Although you’re probably in bed, but still. One time over dinner, I was drinking coffee and having toast for dinner (yes, I’m eclectic like that) when my older brother said something that was so funny, just as I had taken a large bite of toast and was drinking coffee on top of it, that I immediately spewed all the coffee everywhere 😂😅 I’m laughing as I type this because he and my sister on the opposite side of the table were DRENCHED in toast and coffee 💀 I Remember the look on their faces as we are staring at each other through a fine mist of coffee settling over the table, me laughing so hard I can’t breathe.

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                    8. I didn’t have any sausage photos with me😎. Fortunately I wasn’t drinking wine, or my robe would’ve had red wine stains on it. I love it when something is so funny, that we can’t help but laugh, even with coffee and toast in our mouth😁😊

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                    9. Lolol not even on your phone?? Oh wait, we’re talking about food 😅

                      I had moscato d’Asti earlier tonight with my dinner of fruit and cheese. It was lovely 😊

                      Why are you awake so late?

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                    10. Haha! Can you imagine if someone asked to see a photo of my sausage, and I had photos of real sausage links on my phone?🤣. I had Cabernet with a little parmigiano reggiano. I like to stay up late and sleep late on Sundays.

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                    11. Lol! If I know anything about guys, it’s that they love to take pictures of certain body parts and have all kinds of angles of it in their phone. In all kinds of lighting. All learned from my previous relationships lmao. I don’t know of a single girl who actually does that, it has to be a guy thing.

                      My go-to cheese is Beechers Flagship.

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                    12. I can honestly say I don’t have any naked photos of me or any body part on my phone. My blog? Yes, my phone, no😊. I’ve never had that cheese. I’ve never heard of it, since it’s your go to, I bet it’s delicious.

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                    13. “Since it’s your go-to, I bet it’s delicious.” My, I’m flattered! What if it’s not delicious lol (it is but that’s because my tastebuds told me so.)

                      Really? You don’t have any naked pics of you on your phone? Color me surprised!

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                    14. I’ll have to seek it out. No, not one! I typically poke fun at my body in my posts that include a naked photo of me. I don’t take myself seriously and certainly don’t consider myself model material. 😊

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  4. One way or another, reading relationship signals can be a minefield. But, being sought out for hugs from someone you’ve shown no romantic interest in who works at a store… no shades of grey with that, just black and white not ok! Like you, I don’t like to seem rude, and have put up with things like that for way too long at the detriment to myself. I’m the sort that would start avoiding the store to avoid the awkwardness.

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    1. Yeah, I thought so too! It’s so odd, we literally never knew each other before I asked for his advice at the seafood counter. I’m really fantasizing about how good it will feel to just one day say the outright truth and tell him to stop please. I wouldn’t be surprised if I continue telling the truth to everyone from that point forward—dancing around signals is too exhausting.

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        1. Yes! I feel that way so often when I actually post on here. You have no idea how many times I cringe when I tap the publish button. More so when it comes to real time interactions with people. But I am so drawn to that raw honesty in other people that I must also strive to be this way.

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          1. You’re speaking my language here, the one of self doubt and fear. Posting on social media can invoke a lot of that; because you offer something of yourself that can be liked or otherwise, so it can feel vulnerable, exposed to a potential rejection or to a comparison to others. “will people like it, why did they like it, do they really like it or do they just say they do, do they like it as much as my last thing or that other person’s thing.”etc.

            Our poor, vulnerable hearts. Yes, honesty is the best.
            ❤️

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            1. Aha! I always have to forcibly scale back as soon as my thoughts start shaping themselves into those patterns, otherwise I will stop writing completely. The overthinking and stage fright will sever the creative outlet with a finality that is actually quite frightening in its intensity. “Anything worth doing is worth doing badly.” That’s the beauty of poetic and artistic license, even if it’s bad, it’s still art.

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  5. I relate to this on every level, great post! Thanks for always keeping it real! My motto is say what you mean and mean what you say, otherwise it is all just too confusing! Body language between sexes is always this way! 😉

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    1. It’s always my pleasure, Nichole ☺️ I’m really really close to just falling over the edge and start speaking the straightforward truth to people. Not in a mean way, but simply verbalizing what makes me uncomfortable and when people are trampling my boundaries. I can practically taste how liberating that must feel.

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  6. The dichotomy between technological and intangible is quite fascinating and honestly a bit horrifying to me. Humanity can build and discover all kinds of new things, yet the essentials seem to forever elude our grasp.

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    1. Yes, we revert to lizard brain when it comes to the utmost basics. The mind fascinates me so much, even mapping out my own mind has been one heck of an experience. It’s times where we are acting purely on emotion and chemicals the brain has released that logic simply flies out the window. Even typing this to you is making me realize how important it is to actually speak up and not rely on other modes of communication that can be misconstrued or missed entirely.

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  7. This is a mystery that has been in place for ages lol. I have a couple theories on the subject but as for your problem, speak of an imaginary boyfriend around him and how happy you are with your imaginary boyfriend and he might back up a bit. It’s a very indirect way of letting him know that you are not interested because of “x” reason.

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    1. Haha I actually thought this too. “Should I wear a fake ring? 😬🤔” But then I decided that no, I don’t want to weave deception into my encounters with people. What it really boils down to is that I need to stop being a ninny and speak up and reinforce my boundaries.

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  8. Interesting read. I actually just came to see if you or anyone in the comments have cracked the code yet :-/
    It’s almost a little humorous if you think about it: you have to be open and mysterious. You have to be open enough to let people know you’re interested but not so much that you come across as creepy or clingy (e.g. the fishy gentleman at the market.) You have to be mysterious to an extent so that there is a little bit of intrigue and attraction but not mysterious to the point where people have one or more emergency numbers to contact “just in case.” It sounds like a fine line to tread but I wonder if every single one of us has just put too much thought into things that don’t require it or no thought where it is required.

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    1. 😁 I laughed reading your message. If there is anything that humans are masters at, it is repeating mistakes. But I guess if anything is worth doing, it is worth doing badly, too. So after all this time, the code hasn’t been cracked. Some have figured out its intricacies, others blunder on like a freight train, rolling over all kinds of signals and flashing lights and stop signs lol.

      Yes, mystery and intrigue are key. The marriage between those qualities and that of transparency and kindness, mixed with a dash of courage are probably what we are all striving for.

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  13. Tell him, ‘My other self enjoys personal space.’ Watch him become confused. Seriously, best of luck. I once had a woman stalk me around town and I literally told her that I wasn’t interested numerous times. She didn’t care. People are damn off sometimes. You’re smart. I’m sure you already know what to do. Just a matter of doing it, and, it’s possible you already have. Anyways, I’m off to go listen to ‘May It Be’ again. Thanks for having that on your page.

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    1. Matt you made me genuinely laugh, thank you for that! I’m still laughing 😄

      So men are recipients of that kind of behavior too, huh? I’m sorry to hear that. No, I haven’t ran into him since the night I wrote this post. I do need to do it, sigh. I’ve been practicing lines in my head.

      I’m glad you enjoy that song! Have you not heard it before this? It reminds me of being lost in an enchanted forest or something. But I love all things fantasy, so that’s where my mind goes.

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      1. I feel like I have heard the song, but I can’t place where. I like how I feel when I listen to it. And…yea, it certainly happens to guys too. And she was married. I say ‘was’ because I moved from that area years ago and haven’t a clue if her pathetic behavior finally destroyed the marriage. I do hope you are able to put a productive end to your situation.

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        1. Maybe you have heard that song. I went and looked at my iTunes and it’s a soundtrack from Lord of The Rings, sung by Enya. I love it too, and where it takes me.

          That’s too bad that people everywhere engage in behavior like this. I’m not sure where their dignity lies.

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    1. Well, I only know what it’s like from a woman’s point of view, and yes, it can be really difficult at times. Especially when the last thing I want to do is hurt someone or create an awkward situation between myself and the other party. But I don’t know what is harder–having to get used to dealing with a 50/50 chance of rejection, or having to be the one to set boundaries. Probably rejection would be harder to deal with for me.

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  16. Ugg would you know when I was younger I actually sucked a guy’s cock to avoid being raped. I am “that girl” in a meme. AND it seems if I ever want to get dressed up sexy and go out drinking, that’s an invitation for every guy who is a stranger, to put his hands on me, whether it be slapping my ass, or some other barbaric bullshit. Women do not know boundaries sometimes. Or rather, we don’t know how to draw them. We get ourselves in uncomfortable situations all the time because we don’t know how to say no. If we had just said “no” but we are too nice, too compromising, too giving. I don’t know who it was who taught me in my life that saying no was bad but apparently I still don’t know how to use it in adulthood. I’m getting selfishly better tho. I’m sure I will receive some backlash for sharing this, but oh well, what DON’T I receive backlash on. I said no once, at the age of sixteen, and was held down and raped anyway. So maybe that’s why I can’t say no. It won’t matter anyway.

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    1. Oh wow, I am so sorry to hear this!! My heart goes out to you. I was walking by myself to my car at the car garage on Saturday night and I had some really persistent men try to talk to me. It made me uneasy but I just kept on walking and thankfully, they didn’t follow me. I am still working on speaking up and setting clear boundaries.

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      1. It’s okay, for the most part I am healed from it. Most women do not like catcalling either, it makes us uncomfortable. It goes on wayyy too much in Generica (America). Porn is in abundance and sex is illegal. But you’ll catch a sex scene within 5 minutes of a movie. There needs to be change, and not just with women setting “no” boundaries. Get you a can of spray mace or pepper for when walking. You can buy them easily online now thankfully, with a slew of other protective stuff for women. And practice saying no more, even with friends and family. That way it’ll start feeling good to set boundaries when you’re just trying to safely shop in the markets. And hopefully you won’t have to find a new place. My suggestion is you talk to the manager of the store and just let them know what happened and that you don’t want to talk to the person and make them feel bad and you don’t want them to get in trouble, let the manager handle it and then if he still doesn’t get no then go back to the manager and say okay you need to deal with it or I’m going somewhere else shopping. Good luck.

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        1. Thank you for the suggestion! I have actually not been to that market for a few weeks now because I started going to another grocery store that sells the same brand of stuff but is less expensive. But honestly, in my head I’ve been practicing what to say if I find him suddenly by my side and going in for a hug without asking. Sooo I’ll see if I ever have to use any of the lines I’ve practiced.

          I am glad you have been able to (mostly) heal through your experiences. But still, even if there’s a percentage left that hasn’t been healed, it hinders our ability to live our best life. I truly hope you find that full healing soon.

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  17. Boy, all that Make-up^ on, no wonder men are being their obnoxious selves, We men always want to mate with the best endowed women, and you appear to be one! When a woman puts on all that make-up, it signals to a man, that she is seeking out a mate, the plain old house-wife does not get bothered much; I am an old man, yet I still enjoy women, without all those trimmings on…..I always loved women who refused to put on all that Make-Up^ and were perfectly happy just to be them-selves……Plus, when I kissed them I did not come away with a mouth-full of lip-stick or Mas-scarier, How could I know what resided under all of that Pan-cake make-up^?

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    1. That woman in the gif is not me 😏 But yes, I do understand where you are coming from. I don’t wear makeup every day, and oftentimes it’s just mascara. I have never worn a full face of foundation, I like for my skin to be able to breathe fresh air—I am so glad men don’t wear makeup. I would hate it.

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