Fever Dreams

I search for you in my blackest

midnight,

my drunken, misguided North Star.

Born of cunning and velvet

and the spaces between stars,

you were clothed by your maker in all the ways I yearned for you.

Were you a fever dream I restlessly brought forth

or were you sent to torment me

for all my wanton sins?

I’ve repented of each one a thousand times

if only to remove the scent of you from every layer of my skin.

Between pleas flung into the inky night,

I pray,

are you come as my salvation or my ruin?

Author: ebonyandcrows

Hello and welcome to my page~ My name is Larisa--a very common Slavic name that was either derived from the Latin word hilaris, meaning "cheerful," or from the Greek city of Larissa, meaning "strong fortress." Born in Ukraine, I emigrated with my family to America when I was still a small child and now make my home in the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Growing up immersed in two vastly differing cultures led me to have a burning curiosity about people all over the world. Stemming from said curiosity, I have fallen in love with traveling to other countries, meeting new people and delving into their culture, exploring new cities, and of course, dining on the local cuisine! If I cannot escape into a different country, then my next favorite method of adventure is to lose myself in a spectacular book. I enjoy books of all genres--from fiction and novels, to biographies and ethnographies. As long as it captures my fancy and holds me spellbound the entire time, I will burn through the book like a forest fire! Because of this penchant for reading and travel, coupled with my love of deep and mysterious things, I have been often called a dreamer and I find the title suits me. With that being said, I invite you to stay a while, perhaps make yourself a cup of tea and linger through my posts and feel free to comment or share a thought :-)

33 thoughts on “Fever Dreams”

    1. Thank you ever so much, Rob ♥️ I spent my Christmas in Paris, and then I flew back in on the 31st and spent NY with a few close people. It’s been such a whirlwind, but a good one. I moved out of the place I was living at on NY weekend, and have been trying to slow down, but also doing all the things still and it’s been exhilarating and exhausting. How are you??

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      1. Christmas in Paris sounds magical! You certainly are motivate to move on NY’s weekend. I was recovering from a shiraz induced coma. I’ve been well. My new pup ended up in the emergency room with a bloody eye, but he’s fine now. Other than that, just staying low and playing guitar.

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  9. Pingback: Fever Dreams – Nelsapy

  10. Captivating poem. You capture that doubt of love or ruin so well. I can feel the poignancy in the rhythm and words. Being in love also awakens fears of unworthiness and abandonment, of jealousy, or anger of missed expectations. Then the magic reappears and clears all our red flags just to be with them again. A crazy cycle is born and we will ride it until we can no longer hold on. Certainly, love in all it’s ways can lead us to ecstasy or heartbreak and we must be in full control of our heart so it doesn’t go astray. Far easier said than done.

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    1. Wow, thank you for such an insightful and well thought-out comment on this piece! The interesting thing about this poem is that I wrote it in like 5 minutes. I was having a really hard time with a relationship and these internal feelings just spilled out in the above poem. But alas, it’s not love if it makes one feel thus—more like an obsession. The feelings mimic love, but at the first sign of adversity, everything blows up. I’ve had enough of those to last me eternity.

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      1. Your outpouring of emotion in such a beautiful and poetic way resonated with that timeless pain and then the rise to recovery. I think the number one trauma for everyone is finding that right person we can live with in love and content for the duration of our lives. It’s better the cracks show up early rather than late so we can move on. Moving on is usually not easy and takes some time to process. What helped me was to accept that for a period of time I was happy and content, but some people are only meant to be in my life for a short period and then they must follow their path without me. I am grateful for the good and the lessons learned whether from good example or bad, their is wisdom for me in every lesson. I always say, the right person isn’t the one you pursue but the one that appears out of nowhere and you just know, this is it. After that, relationships are hard work sometimes.

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        1. So well said 🙌🏻 adding to that—we must learn how to let go with grace and realize that relationships that don’t work out do not mean we are inherently inadequate, but that we were simply incompatible in some way or that life set us on different paths. When I realized that I am indeed still capable of being whole, so many things clicked into place for me. Too often we place our entire sense of self worth on whether or not others will accept and love us. That is too much power given away.

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          1. I totally agree, Larisa. Dignity and grace should never be sacrificed if we can help it. I find a lot of wisdom in your views. I have to be careful because I’m Pisces and we like dark, mysterious, and multilevel things. We are the hardest to find compatibility with except another Pisces. This has lead me to develop ways to look forward to understanding others while not forcing them to fit my oceanic views in life. Having an unfettered sense of humor in a humorless world makes me a rascal, and I sort of like that. My spirit animal is the wolf but it should have been an otter. They are mischievous and curious creatures like myself.

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